The Frustrations and Rewards of Parenting Teenagers

Most parents - whether they admit it or not - react to the onset of their child’s teenage years with either trepidation or absolute dread.

We look back to our own teenage years, and wonder how our parents lived through our fads, our raging hormones, our rebellion, and our attitudes.

There’s never a doubt that we want what’s best for our children, but what are we supposed to do when we lose our equanimity and get sucked into yet another argument about friends or clothes or the car?

Is there any hope of ever having another enjoyable family vacation?

Here are four tips to get through those teenage years.

1. Acknowledge our power. Although our teens would be loath to admit it, we still wield an enormous amount of influence over them. We may not think they’re listening to us, but they are.
During stressful times when we’re tempted to take the bait and lay down ultimatums or get into an argument, it’s important to remember that we’re still role models for our teens. The more often we take the high road, the more they’ll benefit.

2. Loosen the apron strings. It’s difficult to accept that the purpose of the teenage years is to separate and differentiate from parents.

When our teenagers begin to develop their own personal tastes and opinions, and especially when they want to be treated as adults, it’s hard to find the right balance between maintaining control and allowing them to nurture their individuality.

We have the right and the obligation to set rules and standards, but we can’t set them arbitrarily. If our teens demonstrate that they’re trustworthy, we must give them room to grow.
3. Be vigilant. It’s difficult to imagine that parenting teenagers is more difficult than parenting toddlers, but it’s true.

We may have loosened the apron strings, but that doesn’t mean we should let go.

All teenagers have secrets, and it’s our job to make sure that our teens’ secrets don’t have the potential to harm themselves or others.

That doesn’t mean snooping (trust goes both ways), but it does mean staying involved in and aware of their activities and friends.

4. Listen with our ears and our hearts. Teenagers are notoriously uncommunicative, so listening is doubly important.

This means listening both when they’re speaking and when they’re not. As the saying goes, silence can speak volumes, so it’s crucial to learn to interpret the different kinds of silence.

We also need to learn to listen by asking. This doesn’t mean hounding our teens with questions, but asking their opinions and truly hearing what they have to say - without passing judgment or correcting them.

All teens seek acceptance, and although most go through periods of feeling acceptance is lacking from their peers, we can fill in the gaps.

There’s no doubt that parenting teenagers is incredibly challenging. And the reality is that we may not see the fruits of our efforts for several years.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in www.myhomeparent.com

Spouses Often Mirror Each Other's Health Habits

If one spouse exercises, quits smoking, stops drinking alcohol, receives a flu shot, or undergoes a cholesterol screening, the other spouse is more likely to do the same, according to a new study in Health Services Research.

"We found that when one spouse improves his or her health behavior, the other spouse was likely to do so as well," said co-author Jody Sindelar, health economist and public health professor in the Yale School of Public Health.

"This was consistent across all the behaviors analyzed and was similar among both males and females."

For example, smokers were more than 5 times more likely to quit smoking if their spouse quit, when controlling for other relevant factors.

Similarly, spouses were five times more likely to quit drinking alcohol if their partner didn't drink.

The changes were less apparent in clinician-directed preventive behavior, such as obtaining cholesterol screening.

They said attempts to change behavior may be enhanced, or thwarted, by the behavior of family members, especially spouses.

For this reason, they said, intervention programs should include tips about how to get the other spouse involved in exercise or help reduce tobacco cues.

The study was funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the National Institute on Aging.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in www.myhomeparent.com

Thoughts on Parenting

Set boundaries but then sit back and be still; stop trying to make the world perfect for your kid.

In a similar vein, Miss Zoot posted on “The Non-Existent Rules in Our Home” and shared her recollection about strict parents who tried to control everything in their kids’ lives.

It seems we have many parents at extreme ends of the spectrum:

those who lack parenting skills and/or self-discipline and absolve themselves of responsibility for their kids, or those who see their children as direct reflections of themselves and therefore try to do everything for them or who live vicariously through them.

Working in a high school, I am frequently shocked at how many parents call to get information on due dates for forms, etc. that their kids need to hand in, or who call teachers to badger them about changing grades or extending deadlines.

It is amazing that we still have teachers willing to coach, because coaches receive the most unbelievable abuse from parents over issues like playing time and college recommendations.

When I handle discipline issues, many parents are quick to take the kid’s side, regardless of the circumstance, and try to prevent them from serving any consequences, even a half-hour detention.

I once had a parent immediately jump to her child’s defense over being late to first period, declaring, “He has NOT been late seven times! I am not the kind of parent who lets her kid oversleep.”

Then I read the statement her child wrote to explain why he had been late seven times: “I frequently stay up too late on Sunday nights and can’t wake up on Monday mornings.” End of discussion. This kind of thing happens on a daily basis, though.

I practically need a law degree to handle routine encounters with parents who assume the school staff has wrongly accused their child or who react to their 17 year-old’s behavior as if it were their own.

I agree with the points made by Danae Sinclair and Miss Zoot. I realize that the only way my kids will learn to be responsible is if I let them suffer the consequences of their actions when they are not.

I realize that too many rules will only stifle them and encourage them to lie to me to get around the rules, something I see happening all the time with high school students, especially those whose parents have particularly strict rules intended to postpone the reality of the world.

I’d rather my kids learn about the reality of the world from me than from friends at school or strangers on the internet.

I’d rather my kids learn to be responsible, independent, successful citizens, which won’t happen if I bail them out of every difficulty they face.

How to reduce holiday parenting stress

Step One United We Stand: Parents should make sure to be on the same page, with such issues as how much to spend for gifts, what to buy for the children;

and how to deal with/handle the extended family, relatives, in-laws, etc. during the holidays/visits.

Try to agree on reasonable bedtimes/curfews for the kids, and what is realistically within your budget in terms of spending.

Step Two Give yourself a time-out: Take time for yourself no matter how brief! Do not try to do everything at once—space yourself accordingly.

Don’t put your shopping off until the 24th, which will make it impossible for you to stop and relax now and then.

Step Three Act, Don’t React. Do not react to the inevitable stresses of the holidays. Children will often become quite excitable during the holiday season.

Parents should view this heightened activity as part of the celebration time and not react to it.

Of course, if the parents are controlling their own stress, they should have a somewhat easier time dealing with the children.

It should be noted, however, that the basic rules of the household regarding acceptable behavior should continue to be adhered to.

Step Four Pick your battles to avoid a war. Children can be more difficult during the holidays due to all the excitability, so decide what issues are really worth contending with them on.

This doesn’t mean you should let them stay up to 2 AM on Christmas Eve, but it might mean letting them stretch their regular bedtime a bit to get some cookies out for Santa.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

The Top 10 Tips for Communicating with Children

Most people have more training before they receive their driver’s license than before they become a parent.

Educating yourself on how to communicate effectively with your child can be the key to achieving your parenting goals.

If you do not have children of your own, these 10 tips can help you whenever you are around children.

Draw children out to speak about the things on their minds.

Verbally reflect the emotions of a child before giving in to your need to teach them something

Teach your child to wait instead of interrupting your conversations

Play little games whenever you see children

Lower yourself physically to a child’s level by sitting down, bending down, or sitting on the floor.
It may have been months since any adult has joined the child on their own level.

Hold and play with a child’s toys or trinkets.

Tell short stories to children.

Follow up on the promises that you make to children with action.

Sacrifice some of your time to interact with children and to focus on them 100%.

Master the art of Socratic questioning.

This means that instead of expressing facts or lecturing that you ask a question to stimulate the child’s own reasoning process.

Socratic questioning opens up a place in a person’s mind for the answer to be remembered.

For example, you could ask, “How do you think we could take better care of the puppy?” instead of telling your child what to do.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

This holiday, heal your family rifts

I know that we are not close to the holidays, but I received this letter from a mother who had been cut off by her 28-year-old daughter several years ago:

“I know there is always a chance she could come back to me, but that is a hard way to live just waiting and hoping. I pray for that every night.

Other parents are so defensive and bitter and morally outraged that you feel protective of the child who had to grow up in the home where those feelings were played out.

Many parents want their estranged child to see the situation from their perspective, but haven’t done the hard work of seeing it from the child’s.

Who wants to say, “I don’t have a picture of my grandchildren because I’ve never met my grandchildren” or “I haven’t the faintest idea how my son is because he won’t return my calls and he sends back all of my presents unopened.”

Here are some suggestions for talking with your parents about incidents that have hurt or angered you.

1. Pick a time and place that feels comfortable to you where you can talk without interruption.

2. Tell your parent(s) what you would like from the conversation: “I would like to tell you some feelings I have” or “I just want you to try to listen and not respond.”

3. If possible, begin the conversation with something you like or admire about your parent to show that your goal isn’t to humiliate them:

“I know that you really care about me ...” or “I know you worked hard to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. I really appreciate that ...”

4. Put your feelings into words that don’t place blame: “I still feel very hurt for all of those years when you were physical with me.

It really made me feel like I was a bad person” or “When you talk to me in that tone of voice, it makes me feel terrible.”

5. Assume that your parents have positive intentions:

“I know you wouldn’t want me to feel this bad and that you care about our relationship” or “I know you probably want to work as hard as I do to make our relationship better than it’s been” or “I understand that you might not have known how bad that felt to me.”

6. Say what you need in order to go forward: “I just need to hear you say that you’re sorry for those years” or “I want you to call me more” or “I just need you to hear how bad that made me feel.”

To the parent:

1. If your child complains about you or your parenting, try to see that he or she may be raising these issues as a way to be closer to you, even if they are being expressed in a way that’s difficult to hear.

2. Don’t sugarcoat it if you blew it as a parent. The more honest you are, the more credibility you will gain to repair the damage:

“What you’re saying is true. I wasn’t there for you as a parent. I was too caught up in my work and my drinking, and you suffered because of it.

I can’t ever give you back those years and I feel terrible about that. I am committed to doing everything I can to make it up to you, if you’ll let me.”

3. If you find yourself feeling too upset or defensive to listen, tell them that in a gentle way: “I know what you’re telling me is really important and I’m glad you came to me with it.

It is hard for me to hear and I think I’ll be able to digest it better if I could first read it in a letter. I promise I’ll call you so we can talk about it. I hope that feels okay.”

4. Validate their reality as much as you can, even if there’s only a small part you agree with: “Yeah, I can be really impatient.

I can see how that could have come across as uncaring.” If you’re unable to agree with anything that’s being said, empathize with their feelings without telling them they’re wrong:

“I’m so sorry it came across that way. The last thing I wanted was for you to feel like I didn’t love you. That must have been awful for you.”

5. Take the initiative for talking again within a short period of time. “I wanted to check in to see how you felt about our talk last week.

I really appreciate that you told me what you’d been feeling. Have you had other thoughts about it?”

This may need to be an ongoing dialogue for a long time in order for change and healing to occur. Don’t avoid revisiting it because it’s painful territory.

Show that you want to keep talking about it until there’s resolution.

If there is no resolution, make it clear that you value your child’s attempt to bring the issues to the table and that you’re open to talking about them more in the future.

Family rifts sometimes take years to heal, so don’t give up.

What do you think? Do you have any other suggestion? Did these suggestions help? Perhaps you don't agree with some of these suggestions? Feel Free to share any of your thoughts

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

A Look Back at 2007: Stories that rocked the parenting world

Every year is challenging for parents, and 2007 didn’t disappoint, with family and child-rearing making news nearly every day.

Some of the highlights included:

Spanking Legislation. It’s not the first time a well-meaning individual sought to have the state Legislature make spanking illegal, but the outcry before November’s hearing on the latest attempt stung.

Spanking is illegal in many countries, but the citizen’s petition to outlaw this form of discipline by Massachusetts parents wasn’t given good odds of making it to the governor’s desk.

Lead in Toys. This time, it wasn’t just the cheap stuff that was found to be loaded with lead.

In 2007, even major toy makers like Mattel, which use foreign manufacturing plants, were forced to recall millions of children’s favorite toys, including models of Thomas the Tank Engine, due to lead content.

Junk Food Backlash. It was the year of the flip-flop for food makers as giants like Kellogg rushed to powder their corporate images that were tarnished by association with junk food and obesity.

Television’s Nickelodeon channel followed suit, pledging to keep its popular characters from endorsing unhealthy products.

Back to the Playground. Education experts came out strongly in favor of old-fashioned play by telling parents there are no measurable benefits derived from computer software and videos that claim to make babies more intelligent.

At the same time, Tufts University child rearing expert Dr. David Elkind published a new tome that says kids learn best through simple, unstructured play and pretending.

Suffer a Cold. Doctors and the federal Food and Drug Administration warned parents against using common over-the-counter cold medicines for children, even those marketed specifically for use by children, saying that some ingredients (labeled “DM” or “DPH”) could do more harm than good.

What do you think? Did I miss a story? Do you want to add another story?

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

Parenting style linked with child’s fitness

Pre-schoolers may be more likely to have a higher body mass index (BMI)- an indicator of being overweight or obese when their fathers are either permissive or disengaged as parents.

Researchers from the Royal Children's Hospital, Victoria, Australia determined parenting styles of the fathers and mothers of 4,983 children

Overall, about 15% of the children were overweight and five% were obese.

The parents reported their parenting behaviour on 3 items (warmth, control and irritability) and were each categorised by the researchers as having 1 of 4 parenting styles (authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and disengaged).

The study revealed that the risk of having a higher BMI increased by 59 per cent if the children's father was classified as permissive, as opposed to an authoritative parent.

It was also found that greater paternal control was strongly associated with a decreased likelihood of the child having a higher BMI.

Also, while disengaged fathers increased this risk by 35 per cent, no similar association was found between the mothers' parenting style and their preschooler's weight.

The findings suggest that children fare best with parents who are warm, firm and authoritative at the same time. The findings appeared in a recent issue of journal Pediatrics.

What do you think? Do you agree with with these findings? Share your opinions

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

Hotline helps in times of stress

I don't know about you, but I tend to lose patience easily when I'm overly tired. I've learned it's best to avoid loved ones on those miserable days, lest I snap at them.

But there's no avoiding my 1-year-old son. So in the past year, I've had to learn to take deep breaths and work through my shorter fuse on those days.

This can be hard. Especially around the holidays when everyday stresses are magnified and new stresses are piled on.

Since its launch in March, PAL has gotten more than 1,500 phone calls. Stressed out, depressed and lonely parents and caregivers are on the other end.

The topics covered range from colic and potty training to abuse and homelessness. I'm sure many of you are dealing with holiday chaos on this last week of the year.

So I thought these tips folks at PAL created specifically for frustrated and stressed out parents might help.Take a deep breath. Count to 10.

Imagine that with every deep breath, you are releasing anger.Give everybody a time out, including yourself.

This will give everyone a few minutes to cool off.Put your hands in your pockets or behind your back. This will prevent you from using them to threaten or hit a child.

Talk to someone you trust.Write it out. Write down everything that comes to mind, even ugly thoughts.

Then, tear it up and throw it away with your frustrations.Get safely physical. Do jumping jacks or turn on music and dance.Call the PAL line at 1-866-962-3030 or e-mail concerns at http://www.pal.ua.edu/.

Did you find did blog helpful? Do you have any other suggestions on handling stress? If so, feel free to do so!

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

Personality and Behavior of Your Baby

Each infant is born with an individual temperament. Theories that a child's personality depends entirely on environmental factors are now felt to be untrue.

Infants are individuals from the very start.

Some come out active and screaming and maintain a high level of activity throughout life.

Others are very mellow at birth and continue with this personality trait. Infants exert a strong influence over their parents' behavior toward them.

An active child will quickly learn how to attract their parents' attention. Crying is a normal activity of all infants and serves many functions.

In a newborn, crying helps the lungs adjust from the fluid- filled amniotic sac to an air-filled world. Infants cry in response to their needs when they are hungry, wet, cold or, on occasion, pain.

This crying is a way of communicating with their parents and is effective because it usually produces the necessary response-a parent to alleviate their needs.

Parents quickly become adept at distinguishing different types of cries from those signaling hunger to pain, boredom or anger

Your child's height

Genetic factors are important to physical growth. Tall parents tend to have tall children and short parents tend to have short children.

Height has always seemed a trivial characteristic by which to judge any person. Unfortunately, our culture has traditionally placed values on various heights. Being tall has been as an asset for boys but a problem for girls.

Some parents are concerned that their children will be handicapped for being too tall or too short, and seek out ways to change growth patterns. Many tall women might remember being teased because of their height when they were younger.

Tell us what you think, or if you have some suggestions

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

Feeding ability of your baby

Most children have a vigorous sucking ability at birth, although many do not perfect this skill until they are 4 weeks old. At 4 months, the infant will begin to show signs of waiting for food.

The infant will develop more tongue control, sticking out his or her tongue for the spoon. Between 5 and 6 months, the infants develop lip control and can bring their lips to a cup.

The hands also are developing at this age, and the child will be able to grab a bottle with both hands.

Between 6 and 9 months of age, the child will learn to remove food from the spoon and might be able to drink from a cup.

The child also will learn things like a cracker without any assistance. Between 9 and 12 months of age the infant will achieve better finger control and be able to grab small pieces of food

Has your baby experience been like this? Share your experience, or if you have any suggestion, comment or question

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years and helped countless of moms. Check his website for more information in www.myhomeparent.com or check out articles at

Avoid the nursery wars

Never in the history of bringing up babies has so much advice been so easily accessible by so many.

Every bookshop has a parenting section and pretty well every book has a website. If you Google a problem, you will find contradictory solutions galore.

An internet journalist said that the experts didn’t realize how daunting they were to mere mortals and that most parents find it easier to take tips from their friends than from books and a bossy nanny state.

At a Cambridge University seminar attended by Daisy Goodwin, producer of the recent, controversial reality TV parenting series Bringing Up Baby, many mothers said they felt hypnotised and disempowered by both the abundance and the contradictions of all the advice, especially when claims are made (wrongly in the case of Goodwin’s programme) that certain practices can permanently damage, even threaten, the lives of babies.

My advice to any parent is to survey the parenting shelves, the TV programmes and the internet sites with the same subjectivity that you use when you select a magazine or a cookery book.

What do you think? Do you feel the same way? Feel free to share your thougths on this

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in www.myhomeparent.com or check out articles at

What safe during pregnancy?

There are many things that must be avoided and others that you must take in consideration in order to have a healthy baby.

Alcohol should be avoided, If you still smoke, it's time to stop. Feel free to continue any physical exercise that you enjoy before becoming pregnant, however you must do it in moderation

if you have any other suggestions share it with us or if you just want to comment on it, feel free to do so.

Pregnancy - The Big Event

Just as in pregnancy, the big event, birth, is full of complex emotions for both mother and father.

For many days before delivery, the mother may experience contraction know as Braxton Hicks contractions.

These are thought to prepare the uterus (womb) for delivery. True labor has generally begun when contractions are 10 minutes apart.

The end of the first stage is known as transition and is often the most tiring. It is for this stage that childbirth class preparation is often the most helpful, because relaxation is important

The second stage of labor ends when the child is delivered, lasting 1 to 2 hours in the first. The third stage is the shortest one and lasts from several minutes to half hour.

So these are the events that a mother will go through during child labor. If you want to share something to the readers, add to this, or comment on it, we will be happy to hear it.

Alvaro Castillo has been writing health articles specializing on pregnancy and babies for many years. For more information feel free to check his website at www.myhomeparent.com

Medications During Labor

All medications that are given to the mother will reach the child. No medications should be used automatically. For certain conditions, however, medications can be used with relative safety after careful deliberation by the doctor.

Most childbirth classes equip mothers with some of the pain of labor. However, as one obstetrician notes, "There is a reason they call it labor and not brunch!" Labor can be uncomfortable, and analgesics, should be made available when other techniques fail.

Share with us what medications might be helpful or harmful to either the baby or the mom, or if you want to share your experience if you took a specific medication or no medication at all.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy pregnancies and parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

Childbirth Preparation Classes

Preparing physically and psychologically is the key to a successful pregnancy for both parents. Learning to cope with some of the physical demands on mothers is very important.

Some preparations include eating to meet increased nutritional requirements, exercising to strengthen back and abdominal muscles, the breathing best suited for labor is not something women have a chance to practice in daily life.

Childbirth classes are useful for learning about these special physical demands on pregnancy.

Tell us what you think, if you have important information about childbirth classes in your area or if there are anything else that might be helpful to an expecting mother.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

Testing For Moms During Pregnancy

Testing for HIV is now recommended for all pregnant women. Although the test is voluntary in most states, it is strongly recommended that everyone has it.

Finding out will enable you to obtain the important therapy you need, and by taking the drug AZT, during pregnancy, you can reduce the likelihood that your infant will become infected from 1 in 4 to 1 in 20.

Also it is natural to worry about birth defects which occur in 2 to 3% of infants at birth. Each year, there are newer and better ways to screen for some of the most serious defects.

If one test indicates a cause for concerns, doctors will often recommend a more advanced test to be sure that there is a problem

Tell us what you think, or if you might have some extra info you might want to share to expecting moms out there.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in www.myhomeparent.com

Pregnancy Tests

Some lab tests are done routinely on all pregnant women. These are important for mother and baby and are usually required by state law.

They include blood tests for anemia and the mother's blood type, urine checks for infection and diabetes, and mainly ultrasound, or sonogram, is used in many fields of medicine.

For pregnant women, there are number of important reasons to have sonogram

Tell us what you think, or if there are any other tests that should be or should not be done.

Alvaro Castillo has been writing articles on pregnancy for many years, helping women with positive results, check his website at http://www.myhomeparent.com/ or read his articles at http://www.ezinearticles.com/ for more information.

Taking care during pregnancy

There are many things that you should avoid during pregnancy, while pursuing others. If you smoke this is the time to stop, also avoid drinking alcohol.

Also you should keep medication intake at a minimum.

On the other hand, you should keep a routine of a moderate exercise, while keeping a nutritious diet.

Tell us what you think, and share other suggestions you might have.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. check his website for more information in www.myhomeparent.com

The coming of a child

Pregnancy is as complex as any natural event in our lives. It is exciting, exhausting, fulfilling, fatiguing, happy, sad, simple and filled with many more contradictions for both mother and father. There is no such thing as an unnatural feeling during pregnancy.

Most parents experience a variety of emotions. Many parents who have shown tremendous anxiety about child raising during pregnancy find that the actual task is natural and rewarding.

Tell us how you felt, or if you have any suggestions for future moms share it here!

Alvaro Castillo has been writing about parenting for 5 years. Check out his website on http://www.myhomeparent.com/ for more information

Home delivery or hospital delivery?

There are many choices of where your child is born and in some areas of which type of health care provider will attend your birth (doctor, nurse, etc). If you choose a hospital choose well before hand, ask questions.

How good is it? Does it ensure safety and quality? Judge the hospital on its own performance. How many deliveries are done there? Who attends these deliveries? Is there a pediatrician available for emergencies? How often are cesarean deliveries performed?

Or you might want home delivery. In many countries, delivery of children at home is the rule. If you find someone offering to assist with your child’s birth at home, ask about his or her qualifications. Is he or she a midwife, nurse, or doctor trained in obstetrics?

How many deliveries has the person done? Is he or she prepared to deal with an emergency? You should also see if there are any backup facilities available? Does the person have admitting privileges at a hospital?

What do you prefer? And Why?

I have been writing about parenting for 10 years. Check out my website at http://www.myhomeparenting.com/