Spouses Often Mirror Each Other's Health Habits

If one spouse exercises, quits smoking, stops drinking alcohol, receives a flu shot, or undergoes a cholesterol screening, the other spouse is more likely to do the same, according to a new study in Health Services Research.

"We found that when one spouse improves his or her health behavior, the other spouse was likely to do so as well," said co-author Jody Sindelar, health economist and public health professor in the Yale School of Public Health.

"This was consistent across all the behaviors analyzed and was similar among both males and females."

For example, smokers were more than 5 times more likely to quit smoking if their spouse quit, when controlling for other relevant factors.

Similarly, spouses were five times more likely to quit drinking alcohol if their partner didn't drink.

The changes were less apparent in clinician-directed preventive behavior, such as obtaining cholesterol screening.

They said attempts to change behavior may be enhanced, or thwarted, by the behavior of family members, especially spouses.

For this reason, they said, intervention programs should include tips about how to get the other spouse involved in exercise or help reduce tobacco cues.

The study was funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the National Institute on Aging.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in www.myhomeparent.com

Thoughts on Parenting

Set boundaries but then sit back and be still; stop trying to make the world perfect for your kid.

In a similar vein, Miss Zoot posted on “The Non-Existent Rules in Our Home” and shared her recollection about strict parents who tried to control everything in their kids’ lives.

It seems we have many parents at extreme ends of the spectrum:

those who lack parenting skills and/or self-discipline and absolve themselves of responsibility for their kids, or those who see their children as direct reflections of themselves and therefore try to do everything for them or who live vicariously through them.

Working in a high school, I am frequently shocked at how many parents call to get information on due dates for forms, etc. that their kids need to hand in, or who call teachers to badger them about changing grades or extending deadlines.

It is amazing that we still have teachers willing to coach, because coaches receive the most unbelievable abuse from parents over issues like playing time and college recommendations.

When I handle discipline issues, many parents are quick to take the kid’s side, regardless of the circumstance, and try to prevent them from serving any consequences, even a half-hour detention.

I once had a parent immediately jump to her child’s defense over being late to first period, declaring, “He has NOT been late seven times! I am not the kind of parent who lets her kid oversleep.”

Then I read the statement her child wrote to explain why he had been late seven times: “I frequently stay up too late on Sunday nights and can’t wake up on Monday mornings.” End of discussion. This kind of thing happens on a daily basis, though.

I practically need a law degree to handle routine encounters with parents who assume the school staff has wrongly accused their child or who react to their 17 year-old’s behavior as if it were their own.

I agree with the points made by Danae Sinclair and Miss Zoot. I realize that the only way my kids will learn to be responsible is if I let them suffer the consequences of their actions when they are not.

I realize that too many rules will only stifle them and encourage them to lie to me to get around the rules, something I see happening all the time with high school students, especially those whose parents have particularly strict rules intended to postpone the reality of the world.

I’d rather my kids learn about the reality of the world from me than from friends at school or strangers on the internet.

I’d rather my kids learn to be responsible, independent, successful citizens, which won’t happen if I bail them out of every difficulty they face.

How to reduce holiday parenting stress

Step One United We Stand: Parents should make sure to be on the same page, with such issues as how much to spend for gifts, what to buy for the children;

and how to deal with/handle the extended family, relatives, in-laws, etc. during the holidays/visits.

Try to agree on reasonable bedtimes/curfews for the kids, and what is realistically within your budget in terms of spending.

Step Two Give yourself a time-out: Take time for yourself no matter how brief! Do not try to do everything at once—space yourself accordingly.

Don’t put your shopping off until the 24th, which will make it impossible for you to stop and relax now and then.

Step Three Act, Don’t React. Do not react to the inevitable stresses of the holidays. Children will often become quite excitable during the holiday season.

Parents should view this heightened activity as part of the celebration time and not react to it.

Of course, if the parents are controlling their own stress, they should have a somewhat easier time dealing with the children.

It should be noted, however, that the basic rules of the household regarding acceptable behavior should continue to be adhered to.

Step Four Pick your battles to avoid a war. Children can be more difficult during the holidays due to all the excitability, so decide what issues are really worth contending with them on.

This doesn’t mean you should let them stay up to 2 AM on Christmas Eve, but it might mean letting them stretch their regular bedtime a bit to get some cookies out for Santa.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/

The Top 10 Tips for Communicating with Children

Most people have more training before they receive their driver’s license than before they become a parent.

Educating yourself on how to communicate effectively with your child can be the key to achieving your parenting goals.

If you do not have children of your own, these 10 tips can help you whenever you are around children.

Draw children out to speak about the things on their minds.

Verbally reflect the emotions of a child before giving in to your need to teach them something

Teach your child to wait instead of interrupting your conversations

Play little games whenever you see children

Lower yourself physically to a child’s level by sitting down, bending down, or sitting on the floor.
It may have been months since any adult has joined the child on their own level.

Hold and play with a child’s toys or trinkets.

Tell short stories to children.

Follow up on the promises that you make to children with action.

Sacrifice some of your time to interact with children and to focus on them 100%.

Master the art of Socratic questioning.

This means that instead of expressing facts or lecturing that you ask a question to stimulate the child’s own reasoning process.

Socratic questioning opens up a place in a person’s mind for the answer to be remembered.

For example, you could ask, “How do you think we could take better care of the puppy?” instead of telling your child what to do.

Alvaro Castillo has been researching on healthy parenting for many years. Check his website for more information in http://www.myhomeparent.com/