Thoughts on Parenting

Set boundaries but then sit back and be still; stop trying to make the world perfect for your kid.

In a similar vein, Miss Zoot posted on “The Non-Existent Rules in Our Home” and shared her recollection about strict parents who tried to control everything in their kids’ lives.

It seems we have many parents at extreme ends of the spectrum:

those who lack parenting skills and/or self-discipline and absolve themselves of responsibility for their kids, or those who see their children as direct reflections of themselves and therefore try to do everything for them or who live vicariously through them.

Working in a high school, I am frequently shocked at how many parents call to get information on due dates for forms, etc. that their kids need to hand in, or who call teachers to badger them about changing grades or extending deadlines.

It is amazing that we still have teachers willing to coach, because coaches receive the most unbelievable abuse from parents over issues like playing time and college recommendations.

When I handle discipline issues, many parents are quick to take the kid’s side, regardless of the circumstance, and try to prevent them from serving any consequences, even a half-hour detention.

I once had a parent immediately jump to her child’s defense over being late to first period, declaring, “He has NOT been late seven times! I am not the kind of parent who lets her kid oversleep.”

Then I read the statement her child wrote to explain why he had been late seven times: “I frequently stay up too late on Sunday nights and can’t wake up on Monday mornings.” End of discussion. This kind of thing happens on a daily basis, though.

I practically need a law degree to handle routine encounters with parents who assume the school staff has wrongly accused their child or who react to their 17 year-old’s behavior as if it were their own.

I agree with the points made by Danae Sinclair and Miss Zoot. I realize that the only way my kids will learn to be responsible is if I let them suffer the consequences of their actions when they are not.

I realize that too many rules will only stifle them and encourage them to lie to me to get around the rules, something I see happening all the time with high school students, especially those whose parents have particularly strict rules intended to postpone the reality of the world.

I’d rather my kids learn about the reality of the world from me than from friends at school or strangers on the internet.

I’d rather my kids learn to be responsible, independent, successful citizens, which won’t happen if I bail them out of every difficulty they face.